Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?

I never thought I’d struggle to make friends. I was always social, always surrounded by people. But somewhere along the way—between school drop-offs, sports practices, and keeping a family running—my friendships became tied almost entirely to my kids' activities.

And then those activities ended.

Suddenly, I wasn’t seeing the same familiar faces at the soccer field or school events. My monthly bunco group was still a bright spot, but beyond that? My social life had quietly faded, and I hadn't even noticed.

I had spent so much time being “Mom” that I forgot how to be “Me” in friendships. When I met new people, I caught myself defaulting to kid-related small talk—school projects, snack schedules, who was in whose class. But what did I even like to talk about beyond that? Could I just... call someone and ask them to hang out? And if so, what would we do?

On top of it all, my husband’s unpredictable firefighter schedule made planning tricky. And honestly? I felt out of practice. Making friends as an adult isn’t like when we were kids, running up to someone on the playground and declaring them our new best friend. So, where do you even start?

The Loneliness Epidemic Is Real

I’m not alone in this struggle—research shows that nearly half of Americans feel lonely, with friendships declining at an alarming rate. Social media gives us the illusion of connection, but in reality, more adults than ever report feeling isolated. We’re busier, more distracted, and less likely to prioritize socializing.

And yet, deep down, we crave it.

I missed having a friend I could call just because. Someone to celebrate wins with, vent to, or just grab a coffee with on a random Tuesday.

After moving to a new state, I realized I had two choices: stay stuck in that loneliness or do something about it. But reaching out felt weird. What if I was annoying? What if I misread the vibe?

Then it hit me—no one has ever been mad at me for reaching out. When a friend calls, I never think, Ugh, why are they talking to me? I’m happy to hear from them. So why was I assuming others wouldn’t feel the same way?

Friendship Starts With Small, Brave Moves

So, I made a decision. No more waiting for friendships to magically happen—I was going to create them.

I started small. I struck up conversations in everyday places. Would you believe I made a friend at a gas station? That never would have happened before. I met someone at a dinner party, and instead of letting the conversation fizzle out, I followed up and made plans.

And you know what? It felt amazing. Not because I had instantly built a lifelong friendship, but because I had proven to myself that I could.

Now, instead of wondering, Am I bothering them? I ask myself, What’s something fun or meaningful I can invite someone to do? That one shift has changed everything.

The Truth About Making Friends as an Adult

Making friends isn’t about waiting for the perfect person to appear. It’s about showing up, taking small risks, and being intentional. Not every connection will turn into a lifelong friendship, and that’s okay. Every interaction strengthens our ability to connect.

And in a world where so many people feel lonely, imagine what would happen if we all made the first move.

So here’s to stepping outside of our comfort zones and putting in the effort to cultivate the friendships we truly want and need. I’m doing it—are you?