When Your Heart Walks Out the Door: How to Heal From Empty Nest Grief

Feeling Lost? Read This.

Are you just now realizing your kids will be leaving soon? Or have they already left, and the house feels unbearably quiet?

Does it feel like your heart walked out the door with them?

Are you staring at the walls, wondering, Now what?

Does the grief hit in waves—one moment you're fine, the next you're choking back tears?

If so, let me tell you something straight up: This is normal.

You are not alone.

As moms, we carry our children in ways we never could have imagined. Our love for them becomes a rhythm, a routine, an identity.

I even refer to myself as Mom so much that when I say my own name, it sounds foreign.

We all know this transition is coming. We spend 18 years preparing them to step into the world. But no one prepares us for what happens when they do.

No one warns us that even when everything has gone right—when our kids are independent, thriving, and doing exactly what we raised them to do—it can still feel wrong.

The mix of happiness and gut-wrenching sadness is confusing. We tell ourselves we should be proud. We should be celebrating. And yet, an ache settles in our chest, and we don’t know how to move forward.

So let’s ask the real question:

How do we step out of the pain and into something new?

People love to say things like "This is your chance to reinvent yourself!" or "Embrace the journey!"

I hated hearing that.

Because what does that even mean? How do you reinvent yourself when your entire world revolved around your children?

I couldn’t see past the fog of my emotions.

And then it hit me.

The pain we feel isn’t just because our kids have left.

The pain is because for years, we’ve poured everything into them. We’ve trained our brains to prioritize them first, and we’ve forgotten how to prioritize ourselves.

Habits form without us realizing it. Breaking them is hard.

And do you know what our brains do when faced with change?

They panic.

They tell us change is dangerous. That fear seeps in, and we freeze.

But here’s the truth: Your brain is lying to you.

The stories you tell yourself—They don’t need me anymore. I’ve lost my purpose. I’m alone.—feel real. But that doesn’t make them true.

So I’ll ask you:

What are the stories you’re telling yourself right now?

Are they the only version of the truth?

Is there another way to see this?

The Shift That Changed Everything for Me

When my oldest decided to be on his own, it wasn’t because he moved out. It was because we moved. We left the state.

And all my brain could focus on was: We left him behind.

That thought ran on a loop. Over and over.

I cried. I worried. I made unnecessary trips to see him, stocking his fridge, checking in constantly. I obsessed over how to make space for him in our new home—even though we didn’t have a bedroom for him anymore.

I convinced myself my mom job was ending.

Panic set in.

Who was I if I wasn’t taking care of him?

What was I supposed to do with my time?

I spiraled, feeling miserable, lonely, and lost.

I searched for others who felt the same way, but I couldn’t find them. I now know there are entire communities of mothers navigating this, but at the time? I felt like the only one.

And then, through trial and error, I discovered something that changed everything.

My pain wasn’t about my son leaving.

It was about my perspective on it.

Because the reality was this: He didn’t want to move with us. He chose to stay. He was ready—because that’s what we had raised him to be.

I hadn’t abandoned him.

He had stepped into the next chapter of his life, just like he was meant to.

That realization changed the way I felt instantly.

Because perspective is everything.

The stories we tell ourselves shape our emotions.

So, what’s the story you’re telling yourself about your child leaving?

Is it the only truth?

Or is there a different angle that could ease the pain?

The Hidden Weight of Resistance

The biggest reason we suffer is resistance.

We knew this day would come. But we resist it anyway.

We resist reality.

We resist the emotions that come with it.

We resist the process of letting go.

And resistance? It’s exhausting.

It drains us. It keeps us stuck.

So if you’re in that space right now—if the sadness feels overwhelming and you just want to feel okay again—this is the first step:

Stop resisting.

Instead of pushing the emotions away, lean into them.

Feel them. Sit with them. Let them move through you instead of trapping them inside.

It sounds simple, but it's not easy. I promise you—it’s the only way out.

Most of us are wired for instant gratification. We want the pain gone now. So we avoid, distract, or numb ourselves.

But ignored pain doesn’t disappear.

It festers.

The only way forward is to face it head-on.

Your Power Lies in the Questions You Ask Yourself

So here’s what I want you to do:

1️⃣ Find the facts. Strip away emotions and look at the situation objectively. (Example: My child moved out.)
2️⃣ Notice the stories. What else are you telling yourself? (They don’t need me anymore. I’m alone.)
3️⃣ Identify the feelings. Name them. Where do you feel them in your body? What do they actually feel like?

Then ask yourself:

🔹 Why is this so upsetting?
🔹 What am I making this mean about me?
🔹 Is this actually true?

Write down every answer. Question all of it.

Some of what comes up will serve you. Some of it won’t. But you get to choose what to keep and what to let go of.

And that?

That is where your power is.